As I was going through old photos in the gallery, I was taken back to the 2005 film on Romedy Now starring Jennifer Lopez( Charlie), Jane Fonda (Viola) and Michael Vartan ( Kevin). In one of the scenes, Kevin proposing to Charlie hurt Viola deeply. Like every other mom, Viola felt the start of separation anxiety. A reality of every household whether Indian or otherwise, the mother-son bond suffers a serious blow when the son chooses to marry out of love. Viola doesn’t like Charlie, resorts to serious antics to pull her naive son out of a shrew’s grasp but later relents to leave the couple alone in happiness. 

However, in reality and especially in the joint Indian household, resentment is deep-seated and skirmishes are common. My parents didn’t have a love marriage but my grandmother often sobbed in a corner when she saw my mother all decked up for Teej( celebrated in Bihar and Jharkhand for husband’s long life). Though sentimental and comic, this directs to a serious, unattended emotion which was left unhealed. At the outset, my grandmother may look jealous or seem like throwing a blanket on my mom’s day  but she was more unhappy for herself. She cried because she went after a man who, in her words, couldn’t care less, that is, my grandfather.  More than fineries she cried for being unloved, uncared and unsupported. But whether a woman desires money or love, it’s been hard for men to reciprocate in equal terms. Why? Because there isn’t just one woman in their lives. 

Mostly, the mother-son bond is codependent. This codependency arises in mothers when they get bereft of their fair share of love and attention from husbands. Though unhealthy, this search for attention gets transferred and demanded from their sons. It reminds me of Mrs. Morel in Sons and Lovers. A demanding and meddlesome mother in Mrs Morel led Paul to never marry and settle because he couldn’t form a relationship with any woman outside her. Well, that book got banned no sooner than it got out! Britain couldn’t take it. 

Fulfilment doesn’t come in the shape of men only. Viola got even more insecure of Charlie when she lost her job to a younger anchor. Clearly, the sun was setting. More than men, in reality, it’s women who chase men. She knows for men there is always a form of care present in a mother, a sister or a friend. But women have been branded complex for being hard to please because she knows that she isn’t in control of her life. She can’t please herself with a career of her choice, neither go camping nor walk alone at night. They have been known to cook and serve a meal for themselves but they never knew how to not give a shit and please themselves without feeling guilty. I am not saying love or men are disposable, but this generational dependency on men for love and fulfilment is a problem whose cords should be cut off sooner or later.