My nails have lost the sheen of redness with the dying echo of the conch shell. Already completing a fortnight in my new abode, I am struggling to gain composure amidst the cartons, foils and the litter of old memories stacked in boxes. As I make space for the housewarming presents, I shiver in the cold breeze, sometimes piercing through the netted windows. Sandwiched between the old and the new, again I am back to square one just not with the same verve of the new bride three years ago. Perched in serenity, I sleep through the night like a baby. Honestly, I have lost the sense of day and time. I don’t know what day it is! At night, I peer through the windows at the series of lampposts, sometimes wishing for the scene from Harry Potter  to unfold. I look up and down twice for the correct light- warm or white? Oh, I just wish to swing a magic wand  to set everything at once but find myself sitting through the night in the balcony, basking in the moon, cocooned in silence. 

I ache to explore my surroundings. Sometimes, the howling winds pushing itself through the balcony take me to the moors of Wuthering Heights. It reminds me of Heathcliff and I can’t help but left wondering what am I, a foundling, without the corporate bling? What lies beyond the tracks that forms the semi-circle and then the whole circle. I peek at the gym; I rummage through the closet to find my swim wear; I can’t find my pair of socks- the whole day goes by opening and closing the drawers. Everyday is a treasure hunt minus the treasure. I am a mother of a toddler and it doesn’t change with the new place as well. The constraints are the same. Most of the time, I am restricted to balconies and windows. A smile and a nod doesn’t translate to words or a sentence. Even the conversations are hasty and repetitive. With a toddler around,  your eyes are everywhere but on the person gracing you with a smile. Well, that’s the motherhood part.  At least, there lies a buzz in toddler’s play area. 

I can’t deny the sorority feel in this present society. Carrying the nostalgia of teenage romance Sidney White, it’s like entering  the gates of a college campus once again- the one we didn’t want to end ever. In my school, there was a mood board beside the big black board that was decorated with paintings and posters. One day, my strict class teacher pulled out a Cadbury from her bag to hand it to my classmate for decorating the board on Independence Day that none asked her to. That day, I saw my supposed strict class teacher in a newer light for rewarding an act of selflessness. In my classmate’s radiance, we all shone bright. She might be heading a team somewhere or maybe going to extensive lengths for making her baby’s monthly birthday memorable. Who knows! 

There’s a corner for everyone here, you just have to look for and make the most of it. Sometimes, I feel I am waiting for my life to start and at other times, I feel the wait is over. Here, I am not anonymous, at times, eerily getting ‘ I Know what you did Last Summer’ vibes! Writing expressively and impartially is an act of responsibility but only soul-crushing when misconstrued. We will see to that! But right now, I am dabbling my ink in Mediterranean aesthetics. Shrouded in the evening sky, the park is lit amidst the geometric patterns in squares and cubes. Animated with the shrieks and laughs of kids, the elderly passing by break the illusion of the fleeting moment we are in. 

The days when I am not roaming around like a jilted wife, I feel grateful for where I am with him. Now, the three of us! A wave of relief envelopes me. In the euphoria of entering a new home that lasted for a few weeks or so, my parents were the last to leave. My husband was back from office. Juxtaposed with the old, we three were on our own for the first time in our new home. Alternating between the light and darkness of motherhood, the permeable walls engulfed the sighs to lend the tears a gentle hand. 

I pull myself again. Although I couldn’t find my track pants, I didn’t want to miss the walk around the lake. Jeans, t-shirts and gym shoes- it’s okay, I seized the day in witnessing a flower blossoming!