Maddening consumerism, beer flowing out of pitchers, revving music, a range of starters oozing hot lava but Sashi Godbole had been happily making laddoos and adorning domesticity unawares. Whereas, in a mall, I had my husband stand in line with blokes and bimbos to make a card swipe that nearly shattered my sense of self. Did I just cross path with reel Sashi in real life?
More than utility, what goes with what has been the guiding principle of pub hoppers in Bengaluru and my Home Science alpha bua back in the hometown. You can’t beat her in her game! Besides that, she enjoys being the colony baker and local stylist. My industrious mother after receiving two cents on making perfect pleats sits with me to watch ‘ English Vinglish’. Teary eyed for resembling Sashi and recalling one of the PTA meetings in Westcott, my school, she accuses me of not understanding her enough like Sapna, Sashi’s daughter.
Fast forward, 10 years or so, unrestrained, I am picking dresses, shoes and bags to update my closet (or to wear my insecurity down?). At the billing counter, I swallowed the total sum like a molten lava. Making a mockery of gender equality, I couldn’t utter a word to withdraw a few items from the list fearing to add awkwardness. Quietly, my husband held his card out. Still, the image of those shopping bags makes me look like the mythical Sisyphus rolling the boulder to eternity for selling my soul. I am not that girl! How would I have taken it had I been solely earning? How dare I ! What had gotten into me? The clothes felt cold on my skin reminding me of the heaviness every time I wore.
Suddenly, it clicked. Am I not Sashi Godbole too? Sandwiched between domesticity, chasing passion and girlhood, hurried to a haphazard growth ? I am taken back to the memory of my mother visiting my school on Sports Day nervously striking a conversation with other parents while I was euphoric for her showing up. Did I understand her hesitation? Her trepidation? She moved from a village Zamindari family to a city, married and settled with domestic chores and then suddenly visiting a posh school for PTA meetings and extracurricular activities! Did I ever give her enough credit for that? While I, born in the same city moved into a metropolitan, facing the same hesitation and trepidation while juggling the images of Sashi and my mother.
Will my daughter be the next Sapna, despising me for not being worldly enough? Or will I be the last of Sashi, shattering the glass ceiling?